Shrek’s Attempted New Year Resolutions

– but I am not promising to stick to them!



It’s that time of year again furry friends: Let the inevitable resolutions begin!

I will not perch on my bean's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up, and then innocently go lie down next to her purring up a storm!

If I get stepped on in the middle of the night, I will not mutter. Beans can’t see in the dark. I am a black cat and I have x-ray eyes – they don’t.

Tom, Jerry and I will not go steeple-chasing over our beans’ bed while they're trying to sleep. This is not a qualifier for the South African National Catlympic Team.

I will not try out for the CATS chorus line.

I'll let my beans sleep later. 4a.m. is a little too early to get them up to feed me. I’ll try to hold on until at least 4:30 a.m.

I will be more affectionate to the golden oldies (Shaka & Sheba). I will not swat them when they walk past.

When launching myself from the bed to the window, or floor to window, I must not use beans as a launching pad. The same is true of a landing pad. This is not a contest for cat ‘agility for high jump and hang ons’.

I will stop climbing up and swinging from the ‘heirloom’ curtains – my landings are never very elegant.

I will not growl at NOTHING, especially when the front door bell is rung.

I'll stop playing hide and seek with new toys - It's getting a little cluttered behind the furniture.

I will not try and trip up my beans on the way to the kitchen when I am hungry. I am not part of the Springbok rugby team and I don’t have to tackle the opposition (the Brits, Kiwi’s or All Blacks).

I must not make bread on my beans stomach, even though she appreciates the affection shown.
While the vacuum cleaner comes out – IT is NOT evil reincarnated! I must make peace with it. It is my fur “bunnies” it is after.

I will try very hard to resist my urge to jump into green shopping bags.

I will resist the urge to herd cats and beans in the direction I am going. I do not live in Australia and I do not herd sheep.

BUT,

I will hold my head up high! My beans rugby team, the Springboks are the reigning World Cup winners and the SA Protea Cricket team just gave the Aussie the thrashing they deserved, to lead the series 2-0! (Oh boy, I can feel that Springbok jersey coming my way……)